For the past 10 days I’ve been holding a vigil by my Dad’s hospital bed while he’s recovering from triple bypass surgery. It’s been a rough road, in and out of ICU, watching a once vibrant man decline both mentally and physically. If you’ve ever had a loved one in the hospital for a long time you know the drill. It’s just another day hangin’ out at the hospital, and just another day watchin’ butt cracks hang out of hospital gowns. However, one night I got more than I bargained for, and my warped and wacky mind thought this shizz is serious blog material!!!

Who knew I would find a kindred spirit in a preacher of all people??? He is the minister of the church in which I grew up and he has been faithfully visiting my Dad in the hospital. Now this guy is HOT, funny, sensitive and a sharp dresser so I was interested in knowing why he was divorced. I got my answer when he winked and told me he finally "saw the light”. Yeppers, that was code for he’s gay. Shit, aren’t all the perfect males gay???

Anyway, one evening right before visiting hours were over we were sittin’ there mindin’ our own business when we heard a flurry of activity in the hall. The man in the room next to my Dad had gotten out of his bed, buck ass naked, and was walkin’ down the corridor obviously confused. My eyes were as big as saucers because this guy was a strappin’ African American man about 6’3”, who obviously played some serious sports back in the day. We were literally watchin’ the scene from behind, but I was secretly hopin’ the dude would turn around ‘cause I ain’t never seen a black penis in real life. The closest I ever came was watchin’ porn after way too much alceehol, and then my memory failed me in the morning. Dang, I hate when that happens!

So yea, I wanted to see if the rumor was true about the size of this black man’s one eyed Willy.  Honestly I couldn’t contain my excitement so I blurted out, “This is an awesome free peep show”!!! Mr. Preacher Man got a wicked smile on his face and replied, “not only that, we got front row seats”. I suspect this man of the cloth was just as intrigued as me, but for very different reasons. As nurses and other medical personal tried to get the poor man back to his room, we were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the magic wand, but it was a total disappointment. Although his tubesnake was grey, rather than black, it surely was not of the Christian Grey variety from those hyper sexed 50 Shades series that have caused women to have orgasms in their seats.

I must admit I was a bit embarrassed starin’ at the action in front of me just so I could satisfy my own morbid curiosity. OK, I’m a perv, I admit it. Guilt got the best of me so I sheepishly asked the preacher if I needed to tell him what was goin’ through my deranged mind. He replied, “I’ll make you a deal; you keep your secrets and I’ll keep mine”. Damn, now that’s the real deal Preach, that’s the real deal!!!! 

Images via: Google Images