Our big, brown eyes locked.

Fast paced heart was about to jump out of his drooling mouth. Every breathe was sharp and heavy. Stressful fear had taken over. I could not reach to stop explosion. Part of him I never wanted to see, but did when we visited vets office.

This is the only time and place where fear paralyzed happy-go-lucky pup. Shaking air out of his lungs with speed of racing car. Joyous character perished in thin air. Nobody took notice of my continuous pleas to get over with it fast. It was like they where from another planet and I spoke different language.

Oh how I loathe times like these. Inner beast screams of injustice and wants to break their ignorant necks as they drag their feet. Furious blood-lust of a mother when she hears her cub crying beats in my human interior. Heart chokes under rivers of tears. Papers are signed without looking. Sentences are short to discourage any conversations. Terror in slow motion. Hopelessness to ease his suffering immediately.

I cling to logic with all my might. But I feel how the beast paces and growls, spits and scratches. His well-being is at stake if I break loose. Have to stay sober, have to be in control. Stay still. Breathe. Breathe.

As I smile at him, I see nothing else but my precious angel. We are pressured under circumstances to be on this planet we crave to leave. We just want to go home. We want to be free of them who supposedly have to help us but threw us in dungeons of misery. We loathe their disgusting time management. We are one that they will never be or understand. They from the planet we loathe the most – vets office.  

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Comment by Alice Koko on January 31, 2014 at 11:49pm

Thank You Joe Scott :)

Comment by Joe Scott on January 31, 2014 at 9:19pm

Your loathing of that planet comes through loud and clear, Alice. And I must say, it sounds more than justified.  Hang in there.  Find peace.  Keep breathing...

Comment by Alice Koko on January 27, 2014 at 9:05am

Thank you Kelly!

Comment by Kelly Sajonia on January 27, 2014 at 7:14am


I am so sorry for what you are going through. You two hang in there--have faith. Please keep the updates coming on FB as I am thinking of you often during this time. Good to know how you are doing. Your S30P family loves you. :)

Comment by Alice Koko on January 27, 2014 at 12:21am

Thank You Marie :)

Comment by Marie Nicole on January 27, 2014 at 12:09am

Sorry it took me a while to see you had something up here... I get email alerts when somebody replies to the prompts, but no alerts to the S30P blog posts. You're up on FB! 

Very emotional piece here. hang in there!

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