Raise Your Hand if You're Mediocre!
Let me begin by saying that I am not writing this in search of compliments or reassurances. This is not a post bathed in humorous self-deprication to elicit encouragement to fight low self esteem. Trust me, I love the love; but I'm hoping this post will prove that I'm feeling pretty good on my own. Wanna know why...
Because I am MEDIOCRE! That's right, you read correctly. I am "average and ordinary in quality" according to my friends at dictionary.com. Some would interpret this as an insult. "Average!?" What an outrage! "Ordinary in quality!?" I demand a recount! But wait a minute... When did "average" and "ordinary" become bad things to be? What exactly is wrong with being "average" or "ordinary"? Lord knows no one wants to be below average or sub-ordinary. As parents we invest hours of lecturing, consequences and money to avoid being both those things. But if we are trying to avoid being below average and we end up average, wouldn't we be considered successful?
I'm no math or science genius. History major with a minor in Education over here. But I have a cloudy memory of studying standard deviation in my "Math for Educators" class- somewhere between cutting out triangles and teaching kids to add 3-digit numbers. Simply put, the standard deviation (thank you Google for your simple-minded explanation) is represented by a bell type curve wherein results of a particular test or problem are shown. The most common score is signified at the pinnacle, or top, of the curve, with the lower and higher scpres descending the left and right sides. Typically the left side represents the least desirable place to be- the lowest scores- while the right is the most desirable place to be- the highest scores. If I interpreted the information incorrectly, just work with me here. I was unable to locate "Standard Deviation for Dummies" in time to write this post.
So reading from left to right one would find lowest scores ascending to most common score, descending to highest/least common score. If I'm reading it right, it seems the majority often falls in the middle. Not to the left. Not to the right. Could someone then explain to me why we are always so focused on the two extremes- the lowest and highest scores? What exactly is wrong with being "average" or "common"- in the middle?
"Average" can be quite delightful. Let me show you:
1. I am a terrible runner. I am in great shape but I suck at running. Whey someone says, "I'm going to do a quick 4-5 miles on Saturday" it's like they are speaking a foreign language. 3.1 is as far as I go. And I'm pretty sure you can find at least one of my lungs around mile 2.3.
2. I am an awesome organizer. I can organize the crap out of anything. I'm the Master Room Mom, a fabulous party planner and the best carpool assinger on the planet!
3. I am a good mom. I have my good days and my bad days. Looking at the "big picture" I'd say we come out just short of the "high score" but in a good place on the curve and the emotional scars should be minimal, or at a minimum, within the range of "normal."
4. I have no short term memory. I'm a mom approaching 40. No explanation necessary.
5. I rock as a hostess. If you come to my house for a party or just to hang out, you can pretty much guarantee your drink or food of choice will be availalbe and I will not ask you or your child to clean up anything when you leave.
6. I totally suck at anything music related. I can't sing. I can't play an instrument. I can't read music. I spend every Thursday at my 6 year old's piano lesson nodding my head as the 20 year old teacher explains timing and rhythm and half notes and quarter notes but I really have no clue what he's talking about. Meanwhile the 6 year old watches dust particles dance in the sunlight, seemingly paying no attention whatsoever, yet learns every new song in 13 minutes.
7. I am a great friend. You need someone to watch your kids so you can go to the doctor? I'll have my schedule rearraged and arrive on your doorstep in 30 minutes or less. Having a tough day? Here's your favorite Starbucks drink and a card with words of encouragement. Hormonal? I've got chocolate, wine and pretzels in my purse- take your pick.
8. I could't draw, paint or cut on the lines if my children's lives depended on it. Can't draw a straight line with a ruler- no joke.
The list of my pros and cons goes on and on. I'm good at some things and, quite frankly, terrible at others. But if I look at the Big Picture of life, mix the good with the bad, add 'em all together and divide by the total number of things I attempt... I come out pretty darn even. One might say I'm "average". This is defined as "a typical amount; normal." And guess what- if you look further, you'll find that "average" is synonymous with "ordinary." I feel pretty good about being typical, average and ordinary. And if you've read my blog (The Pursuit of Normal) you know I've been circling the neighborhood of "normal" looking to buy property for quite some time.
So I'll take it. I'll own my ordinary and embrace my mediocrity because not everyone is going to be extraordinary. It's a pretty small space on the curve. And some days I'll hover around the left side of the curve and on a really good day I'll dominate the right side. But let's not overlook the HUGE space in the middle that we tend to ignore and in doing so we put immense pressure on ourselves to be "above average" and perfect while we shame ourselves when we are "below average." In the end, if we can add up our days and come out with a healthy "average"... I think we can call it a successul life.
Embrace mediocrity.
That's just my normal.
Comment
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 27, 2013 at 1:18am -
Average is the best Alex!!well, in wouldn't say the best- I'm not that well-adjusted yet. Maybe that will come in my 50's? For now I'd say in well on my way to well-adjusted;) Thank you so much for reading my post. My goal is always a healthy dose of reality with a HEEPING spoonful or humor.
Looking forward to reading more of your stuff here on S30P!
Vicky
www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com
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Comment by Alexa B on January 26, 2013 at 5:43pm -
I love this post and think I want you as a bestie!! :-) I too am average and loving it... mostly!
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 26, 2013 at 1:24pm
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Well said, Marie!! I think so many of us are afraid of normal simply because we are so worried that others will judge. I know I've been guilty of that. When I really stop and think about it, it's pretty stupid. Normal is not a bad thing, I've come to discover. There are a lot of great people that make the "normal" out there. If I can be lumped in with them, I consider it an honor. And I'm only 38 but tire easily as well? What does that say about my future? ;)
Vicky
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 26, 2013 at 1:21pm
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Jen,
You are so right! It's so hard as a parent to find that balance to push your kids to do their best, yest accept that they won't be good at everything. I have had to work hard to remind myself sometimes to focus on the effort put forth. Doing great with little effort means there might be a natural talent for something and that sets your standards and expectaions to a certain level. Other times, working your tail off just to barely finish is the best you're going to get and that effort and determination deserves high praise!! And then, there's a mixture of everything else in between, right? :)
Thanks for stopping by to read and for commenting. I appreciate when others share their insight! I learn so much!
Vicky
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 26, 2013 at 1:18pm
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Kate!! Thanks for dropping by! I love that I get to see you in so many places now!! You totally made me breathe a sigh of relief since you're a numbers person. I told my husband I was terrified for the first person who comment, "You have no clue how to read or interpret a bell-curve." I was definitely bracing myself! Thanks for all the support and encouragement, Bloggy BFF!
V
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Comment by Marie Nicole on January 26, 2013 at 10:46am -
I never understood why most people cried out any hatred towards normalcy. Most equate normalcy with blandness. I think the only bland people out there are the absolute trend followers who cringe at any who stick out because of their differences...
On any given day I am average at best. And that suits me fine. But then there are days where I am absolutely outstanding. And those days are cool too, but I need less than mediocre days to recover from the outstanding ones. I am after all 46 and tend to tire faster than average.
:D
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Comment by Jen Havice on January 26, 2013 at 9:39am -
We've been inundated by the cult of success. Everyone has to be a winner and stand out. There's nothing wrong with being somewhere in the middle. Maybe if we stopped drilling our kids with insane expectations, making them the center of everything all the time, we wouldn't have so many little narcissists running around.
Great post!
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Comment by Kate on January 26, 2013 at 7:51am -
Vicky - That was amazing. I loved it. And I too, am perfectly okay with being average and ordinary. And being a math/numbers person, I absolutely love the approach. Proud to call you my bloggy bff. :-D
Kate
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 26, 2013 at 1:02am
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Penny,
Thanks so much for reading. Your compliments are greatly appreciated! And I love reading your blog posts. You are so right about pressuring our kids. It's poetic timing that you mention that as there were 2 situations in the last week where I struggled to reign it in because I felt he wasn't doing his best but he's also only 9 years old. It's so hard to be a mom!! Thanks for the encouragement!
Vicky
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Comment by Vicky Willenberg on January 26, 2013 at 12:59am
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Erin and Ellen- We bell-curvy girls gotta stick together! Thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words! Can't wait to read a piece to two from you two lovely ladies here on S30P! So glad we've connected! Looking forward to hanging with The Sisterhood!
Vicky
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